Silly Shorts
by Candyland
Summary: Weird, silly, absurd, and very very short little oneshots. [Meal Time Mantra: Krillen could rationalize many things about Goku. This wasn't one of them.]
1. The Challenge

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AN: Another one of my patented "I was bored during fourth period so I wrote this" stories. This just popped into my head for no reason, and for no reason I decided to write it. It's short, sweet, kinda stupid, but very to the point. Don't own it, don't sue me.

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The Challenge

"KAKAROTT!" Vegeta bellowed at the closed front door on the Son residence.

Seconds later, the door opened, and a messy-haired, bleary-eyed Son Goku appeared. He was stifling a yawn, which faded into a smile as his eyes fell on the visitor.

"Hiya, Vegeta!" he flashed the famous Son Grin. "Whatcha coming herr so early for?"

"Hmph. Baka. I'm here to tell you that today is the day I finally beat you!" Vegeta's eyes flashed as he smirked at his rival.

Goku returned the grin. "Sounds good. I could use a challenge."

"Settled."

"Where are going to have this match?" Goku asked, stepping outside and pulling the door closed behind him.

The Saiyan Prince smirked again and lifted off into the air. "Follow me. I know the perfect place for this battle." With that, he took off.

Goku took flight as well and followed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ten minutes later...

"Down there," Vegeta pointed towards a wide desert. The place was barren with several huge rock formations scattered about. (AN: You know, the standard battle sites.)

The two Saiyans landed easily, and Goku looked around. "Yeah. This should work just fine."

"Of course it will!" Vegeta snarled. Then he regained his composure and smirked. "Well, Kakarott, are you ready?"

"Of course," Goku replied, turning away from the scenery and back to face his rival. "I'm always ready for a match."

"Good. Let's get going. Today is the day you fall, Kakarott!" Vegeta declared.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Twenty minutes later...

Vegeta's gleeful laughter could be heard echoing throughout the desert, amplifying as it bounced off the various rock formations. "Hahaha! I win, Kakarott! This match is mine!"

Goku stared straight forward in disbelief, his expression slack-jawed and blank. "No way, Jose! You cheated, Vegeta!"

The Saiyan Prince snorted. "Fool! Don't you know anything? This isn't a typical match! There is no way in HFIL that water can stand up to electricity! Your Blastoise fell before the power of my Pikachu!"

Goku threw down his Pokèmon trading cards in anger and pouted. "No fair..."

Vegeta grinned widely. "Very fair. Victory is mine."

AN: Like I said—short, sweet, and stupid, and probably cliched too, but hey, we can't be original all the time. I just felt like writing something. Take care, all!


	2. Let Me Go!

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AN: Okay, I wrote "The Challenge" as a stupid little short story. Then I came up with this, and I decided to just put them both together under one title: "Silly Shorts." Any time I scribble out a silly little short fic, it'll go here. Just clarifying that for everyone. And now, on with the story! If anyone tells me that they peg the ending, I won't believe them, not one little bit. And no cheating! I don't own DBZ.

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Let Me Go!

Oh no!

It's got me!

I can't get free!

It's wrapping me up in its terrible grasp…it's inching its way around my neck, closing around my neck…and I don't think it's going to let go by itself…

I can feel the bizarre texture tightening around my throat…the thing feels so strange against my skin…but that really doesn't matter too much…

Let go!

Let go right now!

No, no, no…

Let me go!

How do I get rid of it?

If I don't get out…

Oh no!

It's going to kill me!

How do I get it off?

I can feel it tightening around my neck…

Its death grip.

It's cutting off my air…

The room's getting dark…

So dark in here…

So this is what it feels like to die…

I can't see anything anymore…

It's all going black…

I'm dying now…

It's choking me…

I'm fading fast…

It's strangling me…

No…

Get it off…

I don't wanna die now…

I'm too young to die…

Someone help…

Someone please help me…

Help me, please…

"Goten, why don't you just open the door?" Gohan asks in exasperation. "Honestly, you are such a drama queen sometimes!"

I stop struggling and look at him. But wait…it's still got me! I blink at him a few times while my mind processes his suggestion.

"…oh!" I say as realization starts to dawn, and then I give him our family's trademark smile.

After all, big brother knows everything.

Okay, I'll try it.

I reach over, grab the handle, and pull on it. The car door opens.

And sure enough, the automatic seat belt lets go.

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AN: This is based on something that actually happened to a friend of mine. She got stuck in my automatic seat belt. Poor girl was practically crying because she couldn't get out. Then I said, "Rachel, why don't you open the door?" And she did, and it let go. It was funny. Thanks, Rachel, for the inspiration!


	3. Hungry

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AN: Inspiration can come in the weirdest places, don't ya know. The idea for this came on the jazz band trip on Tuesday, when we were at the mall for lunch. I won't explain too much, it's all laid out in the story. I told my friends about this idea, and they about died laughing, so I think it's pretty good. Enjoy! I don't own DBZ, but I do own a couple of trash cans. You'll see…

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Hungry

"Goten, are you done with your lunch?" ChiChi asked.

"Yeah, Mom," the chibi replied cheerfully, swallowing his last fry.

"Take your tray over to the garbage and throw your trash away."

"Yeah, Mom," Goten said again. He jumped out of his chair and carried the brown plastic tray over to the garbage can. It wasn't easy to get there, though. They were at West City's brand new shopping mall, and there were people everywhere! The Café Court was definitely the worst place to be, especially since it was lunchtime.

The chibi lifted the tray and dumped the remnants of his six Super-Sized Value Meals into the garbage can when something strange happened.

The trashcan started talking. "Thank you," it said in a mechanical monotone.

Goten jumped a mile, up and back, and stared in fascination at the trash receptical. The swinging door that the trash went through stayed open for a few seconds, then swung closed. He didn't hear the strange voice speak again.

So he did what was perfectly natural for any curious child. He inched his way back towards it and tapped the swinging door, making it open up again. Sure enough, the monotone voice spoke again with the exact same words. "Thank you."

"Wow!" Goten blinked in astonishment. Then he leaned forward and called to the trashcan, "Is somebody in there? Are you hungry?" No answer, but the chibi had already drawn his own conclusions. "Don't worry, I'll get you some more food so you won't be hungry anymore."

So he skipped back towards the table and tiptoed up. His parents were engrossed in conversation, and didn't notice him as he took one of the trays with his father's food on it and hightailed it back to the strange garbage can.

Without hesitating, he dumped the food in, and the voice said, "Thank you."

"Are you still hungry?" Goten asked. No reply. "Hmph. Well, I'll get you more food."

Goten ran around the Café Court, sneaking trays off people's tables and feeding the food to the owner of the mysterious trash can voice. After a while, he began to notice that the only words he could get out of the garbage were "Thank you."

The chibi poked the door, and got the words again. "Hey! Are you really in there?" He got the same answer as before—none at all. Frustrated, Goten pushed the trash can door open and stuck his head in to look for the voice. "Hey! There's no one in here!"

"Thank you," the can said, automatically holding the swinging door open for a few seconds. Then the door closed on Goten's head, trapping the chibi in the trash can.

It was about this time that the absence of both Goku's food and his younger son was noticed, and a search began. Shortly thereafter, Goku found Goten's torso sticking out of a trash can, where he was being held by his head. His legs were kicking frantically in the air, and his voice could be heard crying for help.

"Goten? Are you in there?" Goku tapped on the side of the trash receptical.

"Yes! Get me out!" Goten screamed. "It's a demon trash can!"

Goku pushed the swinging door open, allowing Goten to pull free. At the same time, Goku too heard the mysterious mechanical voice. "Thank you."

"Whoa…" Goku stared in amazement at the garbage. "Goten, did you hear that?"

"Yeah, I did," Goten said, rubbing his sore head.

"Hey Goten," Goku said excitedly, "do you think there's someone in there?"

AN: There's this mall with trashcans that actually do that! It scared the crap out of me the first time I heard it, cuz I wasn't expecting it.


	4. Cooking with Goku and Goten

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AN: I have no idea where this came from. But enjoy it anyway! I don't own DBZ. But I do own each and every single one of these little mini plotlines that make up this collection of stories. Not too bad…

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Cooking with Goku and Goten

"I don't understand why it's not coming out right!" Goten whined, looking down at the mess in the bowl and all over the counter as well. He knew what it was supposed to look like, and somehow…it just was not coming out right.

Goku leaned over and peered into the bowl as well. His nose wrinkled in displeasure. "Hmm…you're right. Let's try it again."

"Kay."

ChiChi had gone shopping with Bulma for the day, and Gohan had gone out with Videl (earning himself no small amount of teasing from his father and younger brother), so the two lookalike members of the Son household had been left to hold down the fort and fend for themselves for the better part of the day. So far, they had managed to almost set the house on fire at least twice, and there were a few broken objects that were definitely going to have to be explained to the matron of the house when she returned from her day of making unnecessary purchases at the mall in West City.

At the moment, they were working on lunch. The clueless couple had decided that morning that for the sake of not setting the kitchen on fire, they should try to keep things simple. So that is what they were doing. It was a simple enough food, but for some reason it was not coming out right.

"Still not right!" Goten announced with a sigh. Sure enough, the mixture in the bowl by his elbow still just did not want to come out the way it was supposed.

They kept trying and trying, but it would not work for them. And they were starting to run out of supplies! If this kept up, they would starve, no bout adoubt it!

"Daddy, we gotta get this right!" Goten pleaded. "It's not like it's hard or anything. So why doesn't it wanna work?"

"We'll figure it out, son," Goku tried to sound soothing, even though he had reached his wit's end over the whole matter. He was about an inch away from just calling for take out and being done with it. "Don't worry. It'll come out right eventually."

"But I'm hungry NOW!" Goten wailed.

Goku rubbed his ears, which were ringing like telephones, and grinned. "We'll just keep trying."

Four tries later, it still wasn't right.

Finally, Goku had a brilliant idea. The lightbulb turned on over his head and everything. "Hey, why don't we look in a cookbook? I'll read it to you, and you follow the instructions."

Well, this was a very satisfactory idea for Goten, and he prompty dumped the contents of the bowl—another failure—and gathered what he thought he would need for this particular dish. While he was going about that, Goku busied himself by digging through the cupboards for the book that would give him the answer he needed.

After a few minutes of searching, he finally withdrew a thin book with a picture of some type of food stamped on the front. Goku paged through the cookbook in search of the right recipe. Goten sat there and waited patiently for his father to find the instructions.

Finally, Goku jabbed a finger at the page and grinned. "Ah-ha!" he said proudly. "Found it!" His eyes scanned the page ever so carefully, and then he lifted his head with a look of realization on his face.

"Did you find out what we were doing wrong?" Goten asked eagerly.

"Yup!" Goku said, grinning. "Why didn't we just look in here before? I mean, geez!"

"So what was the problem?" Goten chirped.

"We were doing things in the wrong order," Goku replied happily.

"What cookbook is that, anyway?" Goten queried.

"The Cold Cereal Cookbook," Goku answered, showing him the cover before turning back to the right page. "It says we have to put the cereal in first, and then the milk, and then the sugar! And to think we were doing it in the wrong order!"

AN: Stupid, I know, but hey—that's the point of these stories! I hope if nothing else I made you smile.


	5. The Language of Son ChiChi

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AN: Don't ask me where in the name of God this came from, but I don't pass up inspiration when it comes knocking at my door. Trust me, this tops the ridiculous charts at a solid 10. But be that as it may, it's a new chapter. Enjoy…or don't. Or just be confused by the overwhelming stupidity of this. I don't own DBZ or the ChiChian language. Just my idiotic mini story.

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The Language of Son ChiChi

It was a lovely day at Capsule Corporation…and everywhere else as well. Well, maybe there were some places in the world where it wasn't a lovely day. Like maybe there were monsoons in the rain forest in Brazil and stuff, or maybe there was snow falling in Iowa, as it was prone to do. But anyway, we don't care about that. We just care that it was a nice, sunny day at Capsule Corp. Even if it wasn't a nice day everywhere else in the world.

A very odd looking group of people had assembled in the gardens of Capsule Corporation on this lovely day. Namely, a small cluster of Saiyans, the last of their kind.

One day, Vegeta had woken up and walked outside to find a few familiar faces standing in his backyard. His own father was among them. Vegeta was extremely confused as to how five of his long dead Saiyan brethren had managed to appear in his yard. But truth be told, they were confused too. They'd been dead for, what, forty years? Ish? It didn't make sense to anyone, but nobody pushed the issue. The proper precautions had been taken to ensure the continued safety of the planet Earth from these newly revived fighters. Namely, Bulma had written up a contract, and they had each signed it in their own blood. But that was just standard procedure, of course.

So now, Goku and Vegeta were getting reacquainted with Radditz, Nappa, Turles, Bardock, and Vegeta, King of all Saiyans. Goku was privately lamenting the fact that now he had to put up with two of those guys. Two Vegetas with identical attitudes. Ayiyiyi…

But anyway, as they sat outside on this lovely day (which sadly didn't extend to the whole world), shooting the breeze, a formidable form appeared in the doorway.

"Goku!" ChiChi stormed outside.

All the Saiyans cringed, having already learned of the unbelievable power of this Earthling female. Radditz and Nappa had already had run-ins with the Sacred Frying Pan of Terror, and it was an experience that would haunt their nightmares forever. Radditz had been a victim when ChiChi had learned that it was he who had kidnapped Gohan the first time Goku had died. Nappa had been thwacked because he didn't seem to understand the premise of a doorknob, and because of it, Bulma's house was now sporting yet another hole in the wall.

In fact, ChiChi had just interrupted their plans to form a Frying Pan Support Group, to provide help for men caught in similar situations to theirs. Men held powerless by their pan-wielding wives.

But anyway, she stormed out into the sunlight and stood over her husband. The pan was nowhere to be seen, but that didn't mean she didn't have it. She had a knack for pulling it out of nowhere, after all.

Goku jumped to his feet. "Yes, dear?"

Vegeta leaned over to his fellow Saiyans. "I'll translate while she talks, if no one minds."

"Goku, I need to talk to you about your son."

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"Listen up, Kakarott. Your son is doing something I don't like, and you're going to do something about it, or else you will pay."

"I'm sure you've noticed that Gohan's not a baby anymore."

__

"The kid is turning out more and more like you, and I'm going to get you for it."

"And you've definitely noticed that he and Videl are getting a lot closer."

__

"Even you aren't dumb enough to miss that they've bonded."

"I really think they would make a great couple."

__

"I want my grandchildren NOW!"

"So I was wondering if you could maybe talk to him, father to son, and see if you can get him to at least ask her out or something."

__

"I want you to go play matchmaker for a hormone-driven Super Saiyan teenager and his future mate and see what happens."

"I'd really appreciate it."

__

"If you get ripped to shreds, it's not my fault."

Goku swallowed hard at this point. "Are you sure you want me to do it?"

__

"If you want me dead, there are easier ways. Why not just gather the Dragonballs and wish Frieza and Cell back to life. Then give them both immortality or something."

"Yes, I'm very sure."

__

"Argue and die, puny male scum."

"Well…if you really want me to try…"

__

"Kill me. Someone. Anyone. Feel free to shoot me."

"I know he'll listen to you."

__

"You are so whipped."

"Okay…I'll see what I can do."

__

"I am so dead."

"Oh, thank you, sweetie!"

__

"I win. You lose. Sucker! Don't mess with the pan."

ChiChi withdrew to the house, and Goku dropped back to his seat on the ground. As soon as the door had closed behind her, Vegeta asked, "So, how close was I?"

"I didn't realize you'd learned her language so well," Goku replied with a sighed.

AN: I have no idea where I got this from. Just felt like writing something really stupid, perhaps? I dunno. At the very least, I hope I earned a raised eyebrow or something. THIS IS ME BEING STUPID!!! Hopefully, my next one will actually have some sort of a plot. Until then, ciao!


	6. Light

**AN: **Hey, all. It's me again. Treat of treats, huh? Don't ask where this came from, it's just me being my strange little ol' self. But hey, nobody's perfect. I'm tired, so I'm just gonna cut right to the chase and get to the new silly short. I don't own DBZ.

**Light**

Krillen was walking down a street in lower West City. It was getting late, and he was thinking about heading home before his wife, Number Eighteen, started to worry or fret or got angry or decided to kill him or something drastic. When one was married to a tempermental android, one doesn't want to press one's luck, now does one?

The sun had gone down, and the sky was pitch black overhead. Streetlights were the source of most of the light cast on the lonely street. All in all, it was actually kind of creepy, like the opening scene from a low budget horror flick or something. The only difference between this reality and a movie was that anyone or anything trying to jump this particular man, walking alone on an empty street at night, would get a very rude surprise, and probably a ki blast through the stomach as well.

After all, there had to be some perks to being the strongest human alive on Earth, right?

Right.

He started whistling cheerfully, some random tune he just made up. It sounded reminiscient of nails on a chalkboard, considering that the former monk had absolutely no pitch or anything. But no one was around to hear it, so no one suffered. Yessirree, it was time for him to go…home…

But the whistled notes trailed off and died the death of silence. Krillen stopped walking and just stared blankly ahead at what could be considered, at the very least, an extremely odd scene.

In the circular glow of a streetlight a few yards away was Yamcha; the former bandit was half staggering and half crawling around in the circle of light. From his posture, slurred murmurings, and disheveled appearance, it was pretty obvious that Yamcha was drunk. But it also appeared that he was busily looking for something in spite of his intoxication.

"Yamcha?" Krillen asked hesitantly. "What are you doing?"

"Oh…hey, man!" Yamcha turned and blinked owlishly for a minute, then grinned and called loudly, waving one arm in the air in an extremely exaggerated gesture of greeting. "Just lookin' fer my keys! I dropped 'em!"

Krillen watched his friend stumble around for about five more minutes before he walked over and joined the search for the elusive keys. Considering Yamcha's current state, it would probably be morning before he found the damn things. But after another five minutes of looking, the former monk stood up and wheeled on Yamcha with a suspicious glint in his narrowed eyes. "Did you even drop your keys here?"

"Heck no!" Yamcha hiccuped, gesturing broadly towards the sidewalk several feet away. "I dropped 'em over there! But it's too dark. There's more light over here so I can see 'em!"

AN: I hope that made sense. The ideas a person can get from a philosophy video. Ayiyiyi…I need professional help, I think. Maybe they'll lock me back up in that nice room with all the mattresses on the walls and the funny jackets. Ciao!


	7. Grandma's To Do List

**AN: **Konnichiwa, everybody! I've been watching Cardcaptor Sakura in Japanese with subtitles, so I've been driving everyone I know crazy by using little Japanese phrases and the like. Gomen! LOL, anyhoo, the idea for this came from a bumper sticker I saw at work. Enjoy! I don't own DBZ.

**Grandma's To-Do List**

Son ChiChi smiled benevolently at the two children who were bouncing around, laughing, talking, and happily destroying her living room. But that was all right. After all, one of those two adorable little girls was her very own granddaughter.

Grandchildren. It was something ChiChi had wanted for years, ever since her older son Gohan had started really growing up. That was, of course, the main reason she had sent him off to that high school. Maybe he could learn a few new things, get out of the house a little, make some friends his own age…oh yeah, and find the one woman he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with and have children with. After all, ChiChi didn't want to set her expectations _too high._

Yet imagine her "surprise" when Gohan actually did meet the girl of his dreams, got married, and a short time later, had their first child, a girl named Pan. The little girl was now four years old, and was turning out to be a lot like her paternal grandfather (much to ChiChi's private dismay, but hey, she had a grandkid—she wasn't complaining).

And to the surprise of everyone, Bulma and Vegeta had gone ahead and had another child as well, this one also a girl, Bra. The youngest Briefs child and the youngest Son child were now best friends, and they were currently entertaining themselves by running around, breaking things, pulling things off walls, and just generally being destructive.

_Kawaii… ChiChi sighed to herself, reveling in her official status as grandmother. It truly was a wonderful thing. But then her eyes drifted over to the clock on the wall, and she frowned. Rats. It was time to send the children home—or rather, to Gohan's for a while._

Later on, they would be going to Capsule Corporation. The two little girls were going to be spending some time with Bulma, learning some very important techniques for women who lived under the same roof as any Saiyan. Bulma was going to be covering the basics of Inedible Cooking and Technological Mishaps Designed to Anger Tempermental Saiyan Princes, and ChiChi was going to teach them all about Frying Pan Waving, Cooking Good Food and Using It As a Weapon, and Yelling Effectively. Yessiree, these two girls were in for quite an education.

"Girls, it's time for you to go to Bra's house now and spend some time over there," ChiChi said cheerfully. "Bulma has some things she wants to show you."

"Okay!" the chibis squealed in delight. Each dropped the china figurines they had been in the process of dismembering and scampered to the door. Two hugs and two kisses later, ChiChi was alone in her house. After all, Kami forbid that Goku and Goten ever be home.

Humming to herself, the grandmother set about picking up the remnants of her living room. Then she wandered into her kitchen and smiled at the mess.

Scattered all over the table were the remnants of a Saiyan-sized snack that consisted entirely of sweets and chocolates and things. The two little girls had gourged their Saiyan appetites on candy, cookies, chocolate, and all other things sweet and sugar-laden.

The matriarch of the Son family reached into her pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pen. She flipped the notebook open to a certain page and smirked. It was her to-do list, and it was time to mark off a few things.

Actually, there were only two things on the list. She made a small check beside each of the items. With each movement of her pen, her smile grew a little wider. After all, this was payback. How dare Gohan make her wait this long for her grandchild! And the best part was that Bulma was in on it; for her, it was a method of punishment for Vegeta, who had been ever more stubborn than usual.

The list was simple.

1. Load Bra and Pan up with as much sugar as possible.

2. Send home!

AN: Yes, I am seeking professional help, for those of you who were wondering. Those white pills they gave me are really nice.


	8. Cooking with Goku and Goten, Part II

**AN: **Yes, I did a second one. Equally as stupid as the first one, I assure you. But no cheating! You can't just skip to the end, or else! I don't own DBZ.

**Cooking with Goku and Goten, Part II**

ChiChi reclined in the living room, keeping one ear poised to listen for any signs of trouble in her kitchen. You know, little things, like the room being set on fire or some such minor disaster.

After all, her younger son and husband were attempting to make themselves a snack. This was assuming that they could even manage to get the thing made right. Who knew what could happen?

Inside the kitchen itself, Goku and Goten stared at the concotion sitting on a plate on the spotless countertop. As with many of their cooking creations, it hadn't come out right. It didn't sit right on the plate; it was kind of lopsided, and it just didn't freakin' look right!

"Darn," Goten pouted. "I really thought we had it this time, Daddy."

"I did too," Goku replied with an expression on his face that was exactly identical to his son's. Honestly, father and son were two of a kind!

"Should we try again?" the chibi suggested.

Goku immediately brightened. "Okay!"

Well, they tried again. The result was pretty much the same.

Another attempt. They tried it a different way, but still had no luck.

Five attempts later, they still had no snack to show for their efforts. In desperation, Goku resorted to the most drastic measure he could think of.

"ChiChi, could you come in here and help us out?" he called timidly, hoping and praying that she wouldn't nail him over the head with the Frying Pan of Doom and Terror.

When the woman appeared in the doorway, she looked slightly exasperated. Thankfully, she wasn't wearing the expression of a woman who was prepared to kill her husband and son. To the two males, this was quite a relief.

"I had to take my frying pan out to get it refinished and get the dents taken out," she explained calmly. "So what's the problem in here?"

With some embarassment, they showed her their latest attempt, sad as it was. She looked at it, then looked at them, then back at it, then back at them. Then she reacted in a way neither of them had expected.

She started to laugh. "You were trying to make this?"

Goku blushed. "Yeah…can you help?"

She wiped away tears of laughter and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, here's what you do. Just put everything down in the order I tell you. Understood?" Upon affirmation, she nodded. "Okay, Goku. First, put the plate down on the counter."

Goku's face lit up. "The plate goes down first! Of course!" He obeyed.

"Goten, put down one slice of bread."

A single slice of bread was placed in the center of the plate.

"Now, put everything else on in this order," she instructed. Then she took a deep breath and said, without a break for air, "Cheese slices, ham, turkey, roast beef, hamburger patty, liverwurst, hot dog, corn dog, bacon, sausage, tuna, egg, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, peppers, cucumber, zucchini, carrots, olives, jalapenos, pickles, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, vinegar, oil, honey mustard, horseradish, sour cream, nacho cheese, chocolate sauce, caramel, hot fudge, whipped cream, sand, dirt, powdered sugar, Parmesan cheese, salt, pepper, oregano, paprika, garlic, the other slice of bread, and a cherry on top."

The two males stepped back and stared in awe at the perfection that was their snack. So that was how she did it! ChiChi was so talented!

"And that, boys, is how you make a sandwich," she said. She turned around, full prepared to resume her relaxation, when Goku's voice stopped her.

"Uh, ChiChi…we need two sandwiches. One for each of us. Do you think you could repeat that?"

AN: I know, I play Goku and Goten's stupidity up way too much, but that's okay. It's more fun that way. For the sandwich itself, I just threw down everything I could think of to put on a sandwich. Personally, I'm partial to ham sandwiches myself ^^ Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


	9. The Joys of Messenger

**AN: **Well, here we are, another stupid short story brought to you by me. I'm sure you are all thrilled, ecstatic, and all other synonyms for excitement. I hope you enjoy this. I don't own DBZ.

**The Joys of Messenger**

Son Gohan leaned back in his chair, stretched his long arms over his head, and sighed happily. After nineteen years of living under his mother's thumb, he had finally made it. He had moved out of the house and into a college dorm room. He was out. He was free, free, free!

And he was happy. He had a roommate he got along well with, friends, classes he enjoyed, and of course, Videl was there with him. Oh yeah, and there hadn't been any unbelievable evil aliens or forces trying to take over the universe and/or obliterate life as people on Earth knew it. Yes, life was just going well for the young half-Saiyan.

But his mother's influence still had a hold over him. He spent a great deal of time in the library, and did all of his homework and kept his dorm room immaculately clean and all the other things that normal college students just didn't do.

Actually, at the moment he was sitting in his Super Amazingly Utterly Mega Ultra Really Extremely Advanced Calcigonometry class, the most advanced math class known to man or beast. Needless to say, he was the only freshman in the class. Everyone else was finishing up their Doctorate's in math, for whatever reason a person might want a Doctorate in math.

Gohan was acing the class.

After making sure that the teacher wasn't paying any attention to him (which she usually didn't, seeing as how Gohan needed no help and no coaxing to get his work done), he double clicked on his MSN messenger. At this college, every student was given a laptop with wireless internet, email, and, of course, Instant Messenger. Gohan was always careful not to get caught when he was making illicit trips onto the Web during class (like his teachers would be angry even if he did get caught—he was acing every class!)

Of course, there were some people who weren't quite as careful about it as he had always been. He shuddered when he thought of that one time in his Freshmen Seminar class when someone had clicked onto a website, and a very loud voice had declared to the entire classroom, "HEY, EVERYONE! GUESS WHAT? I'M LOOKING AT PORNO!!!!!" Needless to say, that particular laptop had not made a repeat appearance in that classroom.

Now he clicked onto his and checked his list. Several people were on.

Almost immediately, a window popped up on Gohan's screen. It was from a girl he had gotten to be friends with. Her name was Penny, and her message was in all capital letters.

_FIRE!! THERE'S A FIRE IN PIERCE HALL!!!!!_ the message declared.

Gohan blinked, then typed back _On what floor?_

_Third, _she replied.

Gohan blinked again. He lived in Pierce Hall. Of course he did—it was the all-male dorm. Yet another example of his mother's continued hold over his life.

_Who's room? _he asked, concerned as to whether or not this would impact him at all.

_Mark's, came the answer._

Gohan sighed with relief and sat back in his chair.

Then he realized something.

Mark was his roommate.****

**AN: **Before anyone asks, this is based on something that actually happened at my college. It happened last year, before I came here, but everyone knows the story. It was on the news and everything!!! I freaked when I heard it, I thought 'Ah, crap, now where am I gonna go 'cause the campus burned down!?!?!?' But it was okay. In keeping with all my stupid stories, this had no point. So don't look for one. Ciao!


	10. The Stockings Were Hung

**AN: ***stares in awe* Wow…I actually posted a new Silly Short. *stares in awe at reviews* OHMIGOD, YOU GUYS ALL ROCK MY SOCKS!!!!! YAY RAAAAAAH!!! *all potential readership runs screaming into the woods at the insane author*

This is based on something that happened to a lady my mom works with, and my mom told me the story during a very LONG car ride. The opportunity was just too good to pass up. This is a REALLY short one.

One mild swear word, just to give warning so nobody sues me or something. I don't own DBZ—also so nobody can sue me. Like I have anything worth taking. The most valuable things I own (outside of my computer, which technically belongs to my college) is my futon and my anime collection, and YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!!!!

**The Stockings Were Hung**

It was a week before Christmas.

And one, Son ChiChi, was doing a little shopping.

It was a tradition in the Son family. The stockings were hung early, and the entire week before Christmas, each member of the family would find a small gift in their stockings, leading up to the big day itself, Christmas. The gifts weren't anything huge, but were more thoughtful.

At the moment, she was perusing the toy aisles, searching for a special gift for her beloved three year old granddaughter, Pan. Fortunately, shopping for Pan wasn't a terribly difficult task.

Little Pan loved horses. She had picture books full of paintings and photos of the beautiful, graceful creatures. Being the smart little girl she was, she even knew some of the different types and things. 

But more than anything else, she loved to collect anything that had to do with horses. Her room was a horse lover's paradise. She had a collection of plastic horses and figurines that would have made many green with envy. And she loved them. She gave each of them its own name and everything. Being very small still, she called them her 'wee haws," a childish pronunciation of the classic 'hee haw.'

So ChiChi, after conferring with Videl, purchased a large bag of small plastic horses.

Every day, for the week before Christmas, Pan would scamper down to her stocking in the morning, and find a few 'wee haws' there, courtesy of her beloved and ever doting grandmother.

On December twenty third, ChiChi decided to see how things were going. She especially wanted to know how her treasured grandchild liked the toys she was getting. So ChiChi dialed her son's number, and luckily, Pan answered the phone.

After chatting for a few minutes, she decided to go in for the kill. "So, sweetie," ChiChi said cheerfully, "what did you get in your stocking today?"

For a moment, there was silence on the other end of the line. Then Pan's voice came through with a statement that made the fearsome Son ChiChi choke on her own tongue.

"I got another damn wee haw today, Grandma. I wanted candy!!"

AN: Based on a true story and a real three year old girl. *shakes head* Kids…I want to be one again…but anyway, thanks again for reading, hope you found it amusing. I cracked up when I heard the story. Laters!


	11. Strangers With Candy

**AN: **If you look at these, a lot of them are based on real-life stuff. Ya know, things that have happened to me. This is one of those. Ayiyiyi…my mother told me this story about something I did when I was little. Heeheehee, enjoy! I don't own DBZ.

**Strangers with Candy**

Gohan peered up at the fast-food menu hanging near the ceiling and frowned. What did he want, what did he want? A number two, or a number eight? Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Beside him, two very small demi-Saiyans fidgeted anxiously. Goten and Trunks, ages two and three, respectively, were starving, but Gohan was taking so long to decide what they were getting. And besides, they were bored. Shopping all day was not their idea of fun.

But fortunately for their minute attention spans, they had been promised lunch if they were to cooperate, so cooperate they did. The two small children had even gone so far as to help carry things. Goten had to be careful, though. He didn't want to strain himself carrying a present he and Gohan had picked up for their mother. After all, earrings could be mighty heavy.

Now the chibis were jumping up and down out of sheer boredom. What was taking so long? They were _starving_! They wanted the lunch they had been promised! They wanted it now!

Finally, even Gohan's patience (which was nothing short of monumental) began to fade, and he turned away from the obviously bored and decidedly impolite cashier and bent down to the children. "Tell you what. Why don't you two go find us a table, and get some straws and napkins and set the table for us. I'll bring the food in minute. Okay?"

"Okay!" the two children squeaked before scurrying off to obey. It was a small restaurant, and there really weren't that many people in it, so Gohan figured it was all right. He could keep a relatively good eye on them, and if they made a mess, they wouldn't get lunch. Simple enough.

Gohan turned back to the cashier. "Okay, let's see. We need five number ones…" He went about placing this order—an order that, to the poor cashier—seemed exceedingly large for one teenaged boy and two very small children. But whatever.

Suddenly, a panicked scream filled the air. It was Trunks' voice.

"GOTEN'S TALKIN' TO A STRANGER! GOTEN'S TALKIN' TO A STRANGER!"

Gohan's heart leapt into his throat; he spun away from the counter, leaving the money and everything there in his mad dash to find his brother. He followed Trunks' yells, and found Goten.

Goten was standing there, talking very cheerfully, to four people sitting at a table.

Four fully-uniformed State Troopers.

All of whom were listening with mildly amused expressions on their faces.

"Goten!" Gohan admonished, picking the chibi up in midsentence. Then he turned to the law enforcement officers and smiled sheepishly. "I'm really sorry about that."

Then Trunks appeared at Gohan's side, and one of the officers laughed. "Well, at least one of them's got the message."

**AN**: Revelation: I was an IDIOT when I was a child ^_^ Guess some things never change, ne? Thanks for reading, double thanks to any who review, and never trust a man who keeps a handkerchief in his loincloth!


	12. Learn Your Lessons Well

**AN: **Another Short. Yay rah. This is based on an actual event, something one of my friends did when she was in elementary school. I think you'll find it amusing—I hope you'll find it amusing. This is a really short one—a short amongst silly shorts. I don't own DBZ.

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**Learn Your Lessons Well**

It wasn't that Goten didn't like school. It was just that sometimes, it proved far too tedious for him to pay attention for long periods of time. If the lesson began to drag on, his mind would often just…well, wander. Once, it wandered all the way to Venus and ordered a meal he couldn't pay for.

They had once tried to diagnos him with something called A.D.D. He couldn't remember what it stood for, but they had given him a funny pill for it. Luckily, his mother and her frying pan had gotten rid of any further suggestions that there was something wrong with her baby.

And so his mind wandered.

Especially during Geography. Goten had flown around the world. He had seen it. Why did he care what the names of the places were? He'd probably end up like his brother, and live his whole life in the Mountain District. Married, with a child, and living next door to his mother…

Goten really pitied his older brother.

But anyway, Geography. Wow, even his daydreams were digressing…

Thinking about the world sent Goten back into visions of Majin Buu, and the few times he had circled the world. There were so many interesting places—Americans in particular were really funny, but they had a lot of good food.

Food…his mother's cooking. There would be a snack waiting for him when he got home. Hopefully something delicious. Actually, everything his mother cooked was delicious…

"Goten?" his teacher's voice broke through his daydreams. "Goten?"

"Huh?" Goten shook his head and snapped back to reality.

His teacher shook her head at the child's reveries. Sometimes, it was just impossible to keep that boy's attention. Considering that his brother was one of the most brilliant students in the entire school system, grade school through college, it was impossible to believe. But she decided against commenting, and simply asked the question again. "Goten, can you name the continents for me?"

Goten didn't hesitate; he didn't even think. He responded, "A, E, I, O, U!"

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**AN: **Think about it. Juuuuuust think about it carefully Thanks for reading.


	13. Big Brother is Watching

**AN: **Yay rah, new Short. Borrowed inspiration from CRFH, must give kudos. Enjoy. I don't own DBZ.

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**Big Brother is Watching**

Goten stared blankly. His eyes were wide, bordering on frightened.

"Goten?" Gohan peeked in. "What are you doing?"

"They're…" Goten whispered, not moving a muscle, "…they're watching us, Gohan."

Confused, the teenaged Saiyan tiptoed over to stand next to his brother and joined Goten in staring. But Gohan's stare was confused, as opposed to panicked. "Goten, snap out of it!"

"But they're watching us, Gohan," Goten took a slow step back.

Gohan looked up again.

It did seem like they were being watched.

He joined his brother in stepping back.

"They're so strange…" Gohan breathed.

"Yeah, look at that little one…" Goten added in a whisper.

"And that bald man…"

"The one in the white shirt?"

"That's the one."

"What about that girl in the dress?"

"I think she's looking at you!"

"She's scaring me!" Goten hugged his brother's leg.

"Don't worry," Gohan reached down and patted Goten's spiky hair. "They haven't done anything except watch. So far, anyway…"

"But that blonde kid looks mean!"

"I know, he really does."

"And what about her?"

"Yeah, that strange creature with the blue hair…"

ChiChi chose that moment to walk by, and happened to glance in and see her two sons standing there, staring like that. She stepped into the room. "What in the world are you two doing?"

Goten pointed with a shaky hand. "They're watching us, Mom!"

The Son family matriarch followed her son's gesture. For a moment, she, too, stared blankly. Then she sighed, rolled her eyes, and gave her beloved children a Look. "That's just a Simpson's poster!" she cried in exapseration.

"Oh, sure!" Gohan replied. "That's what they want you to think!"

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**AN: **Bask in the glow of my stupidity. Thanks for reading.


	14. A Philosophical Question

**AN: **Based on something that happened to my mother when she was in college. Ayiyyi…I swear, reality is the best inspiration out there! I don't own DBZ. Promise.

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**A Philosophical Question**

Mrs. Perky was, to say the least, a little surprised.

Generally, Son Gohan was one of the first people in her philosophy class to finish his test and be out of there. But today, it was different. The rest of the class had cleared out, but Gohan was still sitting there, staring at the paper. Occasionally, he would scratch his head with his pencil eraser, but otherwise, he didn't really move very much.

Finally, it got to be too much for the professor, and she stood up and walked over. "Gohan, is something wrong? You seem to be having a problem with the test."

"I am," he sighed.

"But you've never had any trouble with this before. Why now?" Mrs. Perky asked.

"Well…I think this question has two answers."

She peered over his shoulder to see if maybe he'd gotten the wrong test.

But it was the right paper. A blank sheet of paper with one word written on it.

_Why?_

And no answer.

"Gohan, how can there be two answers to this question?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, there are," he protested.

"What are they?"

"Well, the philosophical answer is, of course, 'Why not?'" he said.

"…so what's the problem?"

"I think there's another answer."

"And what would that be."

Gohan gave her a wry smile. "Mrs. Perky, if you knew my mother, you would know that no matter what the circumstances might be, the answer to the question 'Why?' is 'Because I said so!'"

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**AN: **This is the reason my mother didn't do very well in her college philosophy class. Man, these are getting shorter and shorter, aren't they? Oh well. That's the idea.

Toodles!


	15. Golf for Dummies

**AN: **Hey, another one! You know, this is actually my longest running "fic" on this site, technically. But I don't count it as such, since there's no continuity between the stories. Oh well. This one is an example of what happens when I'm up until three AM listening to Bill Engval recordings. I need a life…or a man…runs off to a corner to cry

Do I own it? No, I don't! lawyers chase the author for ripping off Bob the Builder

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**Golf for Dummies**

As a business woman, Bulma Briefs had realized that to be successful, she had to keep up with everything that was considered quote-unquote 'cool' for business people to do.

She learned to play golf.

And this proved quite irritating to her mate, because she took great pleasure in whacking balls against the side of the Gravity Room while he was training. This usually caused an argument, which would be ended when Bulma threatened Gravity Room, food, bed priveleges, or some cruel combination of the three. Vegeta would then sulk back into his training domain, and for the rest of the afternoon, he would be forced to listen to golf balls raining down on the roof like hail.

Today, she was going on a golfing trip with a few business associates. Granted, she wasn't a very good golfer yet, as she had told them, but she had managed to make it into a joke. So they knew they would win easily, but all would hopefully have a good time, and business could be pleasantly conducted.

The game was preceeded by a luncheon, so she was gone all afternoon, leaving her son and mate to their own devices. Vegeta spent the afternoon in the Gravity Room, basking in the sweet sound of silence, while Trunks sat and wondered how he could trick Goten into getting in trouble.

But when Bulma came home, the proud Saiyan Prince had just returned from his training. She greeted Trunks and Vegeta cheerfully, signalling that something had gone right that day.

"I hit the drive of my life today!" Bulma said happily as she came into the house and rather unceremoniously dropped her clubs on the ground. "I mean, I hit it, and I just dropped my golf club!"

"I assume you held onto the beer?" Vegeta asked wryly, earning a Death Glare.

"Shut up," she frowned at him. "But I mean, it went forever and ever…and kind of hit some guy in the head. Nobody I knew. I mean, I felt bad. I really did. But I think he overreacted a little bit."

"What did he do?" Trunks asked.

"Well, he goes whipping his car off the freeway…"

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**AN: **Thanks for reading! Luvs!


	16. The Mystery

**AN: **Wow, I actually did another one of these. Huzzah! Inspired by a classic puzzle—maybe some of you will know the ending. But it's fun, anyway. Enjoy! I don't own DBZ—blah.

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**The Mystery**

It was a warm summer day, and Goten and Trunks had gone off on one of the most sacred of male bonding rituals (or so they claimed)—a camping trip. It had been a perfect day for such an endeavor: clear skies, beautiful sunshine, and just the barest hint of a breeze to balance the whole thing out.

The two enjoyed a day of fishing and exploring, and when dinnertime rolled around, they partook of an enormous picnic that ChiChi had prepared for them. Once all was said and done, they packed away their various supplies into a few capsules and stretched out for what would hopefully be a good night's rest.

A while later, Goten woke up for a reason he couldn't quite figure out. Drowsily, he gazed around, checking out the surroundings and trying to remember where he was. When it clicked, he nudged his companion awake. "Trunks, wake up."

There was a snort, a groan, and a few mutters that sounded suspiciously like curses. Then came the slurred response, "You'd better have a good reason for waking me up."

"Trunks, look at the sky. Tell me what you see."

In spite of his mild irritation, Trunks obediently looked up. "I see stars. Lots of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Trunks pondered for a minute, then said, "Well, it tells me a lot of things. Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets—that's what it looks like, anyway. Astrologically, it looks like Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I'd guess that it's about a quarter after three. Theologically, it would seem that there is a higher power up there who is one hell of an artist, and we're basically nothing. Meteorologically, I think we're going to have a beautiful day tomorrow." He fell silent, quite proud of himself and his long string of deductions. Perhaps there were some perks to being the son of a genius after all.

Goten was silent for a long time as he processed all of this.

Trunks cut in again, "What does it tell you, Goten?"

Another moment of quiet.

Then the younger boy said, "Trunks…it tells me that somebody stole our tent."

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**AN: **Until next time!


	17. Meal Time Mantra

**Title: **Meal Time Mantra  
**Author: **Candyland  
**Fandom:** Dragonball: The precursor to Dragonball Z, featuring the start of Goku's quest for the Dragonballs. It's DBZ in chibi! And without a new level of Super Saiyan every season! I don't own it!  
**Wordcount: **229  
**Taunt:** My fandom can outeat yours.

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Krillen had been able to rationalize a lot of things regarding his unusual classmate (as it were). Son Goku was an innocent, childish, INHUMANLY STRONG enigma. Granted, the spiky-haired boy had lived alone in the mountains since his grandfather's death—he hadn't had a great deal of human contact in that time, and he probably had to fend for himself. This would definitely account for some of it.

"Are you gonna eat that?"

But this? There was no way Krillen could rationalize it. No way, no how.

"Are you gonna eat that?"

There was no reasonable explanation as to why a child his own age could pack away enough food to feed a small city at any given meal. They were the same age, the same size…and yet Goku could eat both their weight in food, then come gallivanting back for seconds. And dessert.

"Are you gonna eat that?"

…and that constant meal-time mantra was getting really, REALLY annoying.

"Are you gonna eat that?"

"Yes, Goku!" Krillen said through his teeth, swatting Goku's hand away. The dark-haired child had been pointing at one of the items on Krillen's plate. "I am gonna eat that."

"Aww…" Goku looked disappointed, but went back to his own plate.

The meal went on in silence for a few minutes.

Then Goku pointed at something else on Krillen's plate. "Are you gonna eat _that_?"

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**PS.** _And thus ends my foray back into my first fandom. I'm sure it's obvious by now, but I've totally lost the knack for writing for this series. Oh well, it was still fun. Thanks for reading, all! Much love!_


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